I hate Project Glass.

:11 Of course this is a guy who wears flip flops around his apartment.
:12 And wakes up at 9 AM. The only time I get to wake up at 9AM is if I set my clocks to London time.
:12 And his itinerary pops up! Between 9 AM and 6:30 PM he has nothing in his itinerary. I can see why he needed a set of expensive computer eyewear with a full and complicated life filled with the tensions of waking up and seeing “Jess Tonight.” I hope he remembers to take his afternoon nap, even though it’s not on his schedule.
:17 Yeah, he’s got a lovely view of the city. What could make it better than having pop up images showing the time and temperature? And I’m sure the weather info on that is much more helpful than, oh, I don’t know, looking out the window and seeing how people are dressed. People are stupid. They’re not computers.
:20 You know what I love more than moaning while I eat an egg sandwich? Having a maniacal picture of my maniacal friend pop up in front of me unexpectedly. I look forward to seeing people in public ducking for no reason, or accidentally stepping into traffic. Wonder what the time and tempera-oh a car!
:30 Setting up appointments the way God intended: without any actual conversation.
:44 So not only was he going to take a subway to travel a total of 11 blocks, but he needs a map to tell him to basically “walk West.” If his batteries die en route he’ll drown in the Hudson.
:59 “Remind me to buy tickets for Monsieur Gayno tonight… because I’ve got such a full day, what with waking up and meeting Jess in nine-and-half hours that I can’t call about tickets on my phone RIGHT NOW.”
:59 I’m not halfway through this thing and I want to get appendicitis.
1:06 He just asked for directions to a section of a bookstore.
1:07 He just asked for directions to a section of a bookstore!
1:08 He needed a map and a computer to find a section of a bookstore.
1:13 The ukulele players I know are far too smart to buy into Project Glass.
1:18 No more wondering “Where is that person I’m stalking.” With Project Glass you can have your victim friends in your sights on hand at all times.
1:23 Maniacal friend arrives.
1:31 “Hey just a second, I know we agreed to meet so we could ostensibly socialize, but I’d rather become awkwardly silent and look like I’m staring at a food truck’s tire while I “check in” with a social networking app.”
1:39 Maniacal friend leaves. Why only 16 seconds of interaction? I’m betting Maniacal Friend didn’t want to be seen in public with Project Flip Flops.
1:41 His glasses never told him to shower, so I’m betting he’s filthy.
1:54 “Oh, I’m running late.” For… for Jess? He had nothing to do for 570 minutes and he’s late.
2:20 And his “meeting” with Jess is a video chat. The video ends, sadly, before Project Glass turns into Project Homemade Sextape. Whatever happened to ignoring someone you care about in person?

8 thoughts on “I hate Project Glass.

  1. This made me laugh SO incredibly hard. I think this is a terrible idea. It’s ridiculously unnecessary and stupid. *shakes head*
    “If his batteries die en route he’ll drown in the Hudson.” That made me nearly choke on my drink.

  2. This is so funny.
    Exactly what I was thinking.
    *uck these flip flop wearing rich hipsters.
    Yeah and Zooey Dechannel* too. Bitch.

  3. Awesome! Glad you pointed out 3 times the sheer ridiculousness in asking your glasses for directions in a bookstore! Man, these things will destroy organic interactions, replacing them with even more pointless check ins, etc.
    And how dumb must he look standing perfectly still staring at a wall, talking to himself about taking pictures…?
    I want to make a video about following somebody around with one of these silly things on…

  4. Why do you have to criticise EVERY SINGLE THING? Thats so unnecessary. There are somethings on there that can be useful. Like how easily he was able to take a photo of what he was seeing. Truthfully, I’ve been wanting something like that for ages. And what about how easy video calling is. And the glass is essentially haveing a hands-free mini computer. NOT saying that Project Glass doesn’t have its downsides. Everything has its ups and downs.

  5. Wow! I read your comments before watching the video and thought you seemed a little cranky. Then I watched the video and thought your comments were too generous. At the end of the video I was hoping the dude, seeing the complete shallowness of his Google-glasses life, took a header off the top of the building while chatting with his girlfriend so she could share his pain all the way down.
    Who wants icons popping up while they’re walking down the street? I can’t think of a better way to create adult onset ADD. Scary!

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