I hate Project Glass.


:11 Of course this is a guy who wears flip flops around his apartment.
:12 And wakes up at 9 AM. The only time I get to wake up at 9AM is if I set my clocks to London time.
:12 And his itinerary pops up! Between 9 AM and 6:30 PM he has nothing in his itinerary. I can see why he needed a set of expensive computer eyewear with a full and complicated life filled with the tensions of waking up and seeing “Jess Tonight.” I hope he remembers to take his afternoon nap, even though it’s not on his schedule.
:17 Yeah, he’s got a lovely view of the city. What could make it better than having pop up images showing the time and temperature? And I’m sure the weather info on that is much more helpful than, oh, I don’t know, looking out the window and seeing how people are dressed. People are stupid. They’re not computers.
:20 You know what I love more than moaning while I eat an egg sandwich? Having a maniacal picture of my maniacal friend pop up in front of me unexpectedly. I look forward to seeing people in public ducking for no reason, or accidentally stepping into traffic. Wonder what the time and tempera-oh a car!
:30 Setting up appointments the way God intended: without any actual conversation.
:44 So not only was he going to take a subway to travel a total of 11 blocks, but he needs a map to tell him to basically “walk West.” If his batteries die en route he’ll drown in the Hudson.
:59 “Remind me to buy tickets for Monsieur Gayno tonight… because I’ve got such a full day, what with waking up and meeting Jess in nine-and-half hours that I can’t call about tickets on my phone RIGHT NOW.”
:59 I’m not halfway through this thing and I want to get appendicitis.
1:06 He just asked for directions to a section of a bookstore.
1:07 He just asked for directions to a section of a bookstore!
1:08 He needed a map and a computer to find a section of a bookstore.
1:13 The ukulele players I know are far too smart to buy into Project Glass.
1:18 No more wondering “Where is that person I’m stalking.” With Project Glass you can have your victim friends in your sights on hand at all times.
1:23 Maniacal friend arrives.
1:31 “Hey just a second, I know we agreed to meet so we could ostensibly socialize, but I’d rather become awkwardly silent and look like I’m staring at a food truck’s tire while I “check in” with a social networking app.”
1:39 Maniacal friend leaves. Why only 16 seconds of interaction? I’m betting Maniacal Friend didn’t want to be seen in public with Project Flip Flops.
1:41 His glasses never told him to shower, so I’m betting he’s filthy.
1:54 “Oh, I’m running late.” For… for Jess? He had nothing to do for 570 minutes and he’s late.
2:20 And his “meeting” with Jess is a video chat. The video ends, sadly, before Project Glass turns into Project Homemade Sextape. Whatever happened to ignoring someone you care about in person?