How to get an author blurb (part 4 of 4).

Dear Mr. Palahniuk:
Would it be hallucinatory for me to say you are my favorite author?
I am writing to see if you would be willing to read and possibly even blurb my debut novel, Numb, which will be published by Harper Perennial this August. I think that there is a lot in the story that you would connect with, and I would love knowing that you had simply read the book. A blurb would make me choke.
Since I am writing anyway, may I take this opportunity to congratulate you on your body of work. Twenty novels is quite an accomplishment. That you have twelve means you’re almost there. I have noticed a disturbing thread that runs through most of your work however, and if you don’t mind my pointing it out, perhaps having it raised will benefit you as you move forward with other books.
In short: your plots are very standard. They say it’s not what you do, but what you do with it, and I do believe that is true. But how many times have we read about an insomniac acting out through a delusional second personality, or a porn star trying to hit the record for most fucks in an afternoon. If I recall, you recently published a book in which the plot revolves around a 13-year-old boy named Agent Number 67 who is sent as an exchange student to live in America but who is really a sleeper agent sent to execute a terrorist attack on the US. Yawn. Not that it wasn’t nicely written. It’s just I think that if you pushed a little further, a bit more to the fringe, you’d find some really fresh territory. Something to think about.
Thanks for your time and consideration. Please give my best to Tyler.
Sean Ferrell
PS. I don’t want to alarm you, but I believe your name is misspelled on all of your novels. Isn’t it “Check” Palahniuk?

One thought on “How to get an author blurb (part 4 of 4).

  1. Don’t forget to add that he shouldn’t write such wholesome stuff out
    of a fear of turning some people “off.” I mean, a story about a deadly
    lullaby? Does he want to be on the Hallmark Channel?

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