Contest: Possible blurbs for Numb.

One of these is an actual quote:
“Get off my lawn.” – J.D. Salinger (obtained early last year).
“That boy’s not right.” – My grandmother, after seeing my “dismount” from imaginary parallel bars.
Update: It occurs to me now that based on the comments I’ve received so far that this should be a contest. Here’s how this will work: enter your suggested cover blurb in the comments below. The blurb can be from you or from someone else (see J.D. Salinger’s blurb above). All blurbs attributed to someone else should be labeled as “true fake” blurbs. The contest will be open until 6PM Wednesday evening at which time Jeffrey Somers will read them and pick a winner. His decision will be final. (Please keep in mind that his decision will be made over drinks.)
The winner will receive one of the following (their choice):
A) A piece of original artwork by me.
B) A picture of me in my goggles, suitable for framing.
or C) A copy of Robin Becker’s Brains.
Comments below are already entered.
Have at it.

Update update: We have a winner. Over drinks last night, the harsh, judgmental eyes of Jeff Somers lit upon the entries. Was he pleased with what he saw? No. Was he in a foul mood? Yes. Was he being pursued by police dogs? Perhaps. Whatever else was happening, when I pinned him beneath a table and forced him to look at the entries he was as swift and certain as a … a … as something that is both swift and certain. An arrow? Maybe. What’s that bird? A hawk. A falcon! He was as swift can certain as a falcon honing in on prey.
Our winner: Carrie Kei Heim Binas

“I will destroy you.”

Not only does it have that old world “Cold War” charm, it also has the advantage of being short enough to fit on a cover. Well done, Carrie. And, yes, I’m sure you will. Carrie, e-mail me your address and pick your prize.
Thanks to everyone who entered.

27 thoughts on “Contest: Possible blurbs for Numb.

  1. Other possibilities for you:
    “I will destroy you.” -Carrie Kei Heim Binas
    “Okay, why do you keep talking to that guy online? Should I be worried?” -Mr. Binas

  2. “Ferrell then fought an epic battle against the raccoons for control of the dirt on the far side of my maple tree.” —Restraining Order filed in Multnomah County Court, Portland, Oregon

  3. “I thought it was Max Headroom’s autobiography.” – Dwight Schultz
    “I’d ordered First Contact. Close enough.” – Barrack Obama
    “I confused Sean Ferrell with Will Ferrell and thought it was the book edition of Stranger Than Fiction. It’s not bad, though.” – Christi Goddard

  4. “I could not stop staring. It was live action Flash Dance right in front of me. I still have nightmares about it.” – Harley May
    “Every time he gets nailed, I’m taking a shot. Who’s with me?” – Harley May
    “What do you mean there aren’t any tigers?” – Harley May

  5. “The fruitcake recipes, the scrap-booking tips, the one-of-a-kind collection of Reverend Flatulet’s favorite sermons — even the collector’s item commemorative plate! — this volume will be a family heirloom for many Easters to come.” – John Ochwat

  6. Numb: It’s like crack for dead people. – Christi Goddard
    It’s like a stray dog that you only fed once, but won’t leave even when you throw rocks at it. – Christi Goddard
    Numb is some social experiment to test the limits of human emotional endurance. – Christi Goddard
    Readers will find a copy of Numb and a bit of psychedelic frog licking can really spice up their lives. – Christi Goddard

  7. Harley May said “nailed” in her blurb. I’m in. –Trisha Ziegenhorn
    You owe me $5 for this. –Jeff Somers
    The last one is true fake, of course.

  8. “I am Sean Ferrell.” – Philip K. Dick
    “Numb got me through many a rough night in me hammock.” – Royal Navy sailor
    “Ferrell must have written this on a train…it’s that good.” – Gabe

  9. “Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.” – Samuel Johnson (1784)

  10. “If you are a fan of high fantasy, anthropomorphized badgers, and transvestism, this is the one book you should put on your Amazon wish list this holiday season!”

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